


Numb

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-09 11:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4346894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nanase Haruka feels nothing, but for one person, he feels everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tub Water

A boys eyes opened, greeted to sunlight and the smell of the dust that cloaked the air. He took a few looks around his surroundings, he’s in his room. His room only contained the essentials: dresser, bed, and a desk, so there wasn’t much to look at. He however would tell you that his room was fine, just fine; a man of few words. He didn’t really have a choice in the whole silent matter, when you’re temporarily cut off from your emotions you’re constantly terrified you’ll say something offensive. Sometimes he really does want to talk; sometimes he really should say something. It’s too late now, everyone stares when he talks, now he’s quiet. He would prefer a life of silence and solitude to one of loudness and obsession. 

“Shit” he murmurs rubbing his eyes. Mornings are by far the hardest to deal with daily, but being taken away from a world of feeling into one of murk will never be easy and definitely isn't good for the soul. Supposedly you grow out of it, the whole angsty emptiness phase, Haruka Nanase would say he missed that memo. He feels nothing therefore he says nothing, it’s not out of the ordinary for him so his friends don’t say anything, except maybe Makoto. Despite the overwhelming odds he rises out of bed and walks down the hall to the bathroom. It's a slow trudge to the bathroom but once there he takes a sidelong glance into the mirror, same-old-same-old, black hair, blue eyes, monotone expression, nothing has changed since he drifted off last night, that wouldn't be so bad though, Haruka catches himself thinking. He knows he shouldn't be so negative, it's not helping him what-so-ever. Haruka erases the negative thought from his mind and sits on the side of the tub to begin running the water and the sound soothes him, eliminating the heart-aching numbness. He dons his suit and slips slowly into the water, hot on his skin and soul.

For Haruka being in water is like dreaming, surrounded by something you can’t hold but feels real and relaxes you into oblivion, but most importantly he feels again, no more murk and no more silence. Haruka is always eager to feel, you can’t spend your whole life asleep but you can spend an extremely large amount of it in the water. The minute he submerges himself in water it’s ecstasy, spine shaking, earth shattering, feeling. Every emotion is livid and flowing and his skin feels hot and alive. He thinks over everything that’s happened and applies his temporary emotion, from school to friends. He closes his eyes tighter and thoughts of him shower his brain like a water. His thinks of Rin. It’s been a rough year for them, lots of fighting and making up, but having him back is best think to ever happen to Haruka. After Rin left for Australia, Haruka couldn't find a reason to swim anymore, besides water, but he can find water at home. Rin made something in him awaken, an unfamiliar feeling that shook him to his core and he liked it, no loved it. Rin was irreplaceable and he just left him that easily, to go train thousands of miles away, He didn't realize how much Rin meant to him until he was long gone. As he felt the water slowly come to a standstill above him he thought of everything about Rin, the way he swam, his voice, his fire red hair, his body, his passion, his-

“Haru! Haru open the door!” He closes his eyes as tight as he could, so tight it felt like his eyes were going to pop right through his eyelids. “Haru we have school in an hour!” Please, please don’t come in Makoto. I can’t get up, I don’t want to leave, it will all go away, Haru thought, hands shaking with grief. “Okay, I’m coming in!” dread fills Harus mind, another day with a blank stare and questionable looks from others about his behavior.

_Creak_

The bathroom door opens, and Makotos familiar kind aura fills the room. “I’m sorry Haru, you have to get out of the tub eventually.” He opens his eyes to see a hand hovering over the clear bath water and a blurry face smiling above him. If only you knew, Makoto, but thank you, Haru thinks grabbing onto his friends hand. Overtime he emerges from his personal heaven, when he's standing upright mid-thigh high in lukewarm water, he looks into his friends smiling green eyes. “Haru, I’m sorry but you have to get ready for school. We can swim after school, we’re swimming at Samezuka! Their pool is huge… and Rin’s there.” Water or Rin could almost always get Haru moving around, Makoto was accustomed to using it for Harus’ own good. Haru knew this, but he couldn't blame him. Withough Makoto Haru probably would still be in the bath not even concerning himself about going to school. Haru shrugs and takes a step out of the tub, then another and rushes to the kitchen, “No, Haru! We have school!”

“I have to eat” Haru responds.

“Okay, but quickly!” but Haru ignored his request and tied his apron in a simple bow over his swimsuit. They were always on time for school no matter how slowly he cooked his mackerel, it wasn’t a concern. “Do you ever eat anything else, Haru?” Makoto asks with a bright smile.

“It’s all that’s good.” Haru says indifferently. Mackerel wasn’t even a part of the emotionless void inside of him; in truth it was really all that was good.

“I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand you, Haru” It’s for the best Haru thought, Makoto would worry himself sick if he knew about Harus’ mental state, he couldn’t stand to see Makoto fuss over him. “But I suppose your weird taste in food is your businesses Haru, we all have weird things about us, mine is wanting to fix everything, and I- oh sorry Haru you don’t have to listen to me rant.” Haru looked back at his friend who was fussing with his hair in embarrassment, and checking his watch with a concerned and anxious look on his face.

“I think I’ll take my mackerel to-go today.”


	2. Red Chlorine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A race is issued, and Haru worries about the reaction from the one he holds dear.

In truth, Haru thought joint practices were pointless. Most of the Samezuka swimmers thought they were infinitely better than him and the others on his team. He wasn’t there to compete with them, he just wanted to be in the water and they’ll never understand why it's just that. They just seem too enthralled with their training regimens and winning to focus on the little things, maybe he’s being resentful, but it’s hard to not question if they even like what they’re doing. But, none the less Haru is standing in his suit overlooking the pool from a balcony listening to Rin address his team. He’s turned out to be extremely good at this whole leading a team thing, he concluded. Harus’ team, Iwatobi, is captained by Makoto. Makoto just seems to know exactly what to do and say to the team, he keeps them happy and Gou, the team manager, has kept them healthy. She told Haru he can’t sustain himself off of mackerel and Nagisa that he can’t only eat junk food, but someone has to keep them afloat.

“Can we swim now?” Haru asked the team, impatience growing inside of him.

“Yeah! Makoto can we please go in now?! I want them to see how much better Rei-chan has gotten!” Nagisa says as he shakes Makotos shoulders with as much strength as he could muster. Makoto looked at Nagisa with a dumbfounded look, and Haru watched Makoto attempt to give Nagisa an answer, but Nagisa could easily assert himself over his nervous stuttering. The chaos increased when Rei attempted to solve the conflict, Haru sighed as Rei desperately tried to make his voice heard, but it was hopeless. Haru knew it was best not to get involved in their dispute, it would only get worse. Another voice only increases the confusion, but suddenly, when all felt as if it was about to crumble, a voice rose above the chaos.

“Are you guys alright?” the boys turned around in silence and looked at who the voice belonged to.

“Rin-chan!” Nagisa exclaimed, practically exploding with joy. “Can we swim now? I want all the Samezuka swimmers to see how much better Rei-chan has gotten!”

“Yeah, I just finished briefing the team. Sorry for the wait, Momo had _a lot_ to say.” Rin looked over everyone with a worried look on his face, obviously about the confusion he’d heard earlier. “Why were you fighting?” he asked, running his fingers through his hair nervously. “ Don’t tell me there’s trouble in paradise.”

“We’re fine” Haru snapped. He just wanted to get in the water and the fight wasn’t even a problem, Rin should be used to their chaotic atmosphere. He just wanted to swim with Rin, they rarely got to swim together and every joint session was a blessing. Swimming with Rin and having emotions is one of the best feelings in the world, unparalleled completely. Haru would give it all away to feel that way all the time. “Can we just go down to the pool, Rin?”

“Of course, Haru. I shouldn’t keep you out of the water any longer” Rin responded, flashing a toothy smile in Harus direction that made his heart flutter. Rin turned around and led the boys down the stairs to the pool floor while Makoto attempted to make small talk about how they’re both team-captains. Haru watched Rin, he didn’t understand how he could walk and talk with such confidence at all times. He loved it. He loved the way he conducted himself, he would rather that Rin was full of pride than self-hatred. He walked with swagger and talked with a certain confidence that could make you stop dead in your tracks.

Rin reached the pool edge and stopped; He put his hands on his hips and looked at the water. Haru walked slowly up to him and stood at his side, not really knowing what to do next. He watched as the water moved with the air from the airconditioners, almost completely untouched.

Suddenly Rin turned and looked Haru in his eyes with a surprisingly sincere gaze, “Hey, Haru?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you wanna race? I mean, I know I don’t deserve another race after how I treated you last year, but I’m just so happy when I’m in swimming with you. I know it’s stupid, I just, shit, I’m sorry you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” From his cheeks to his ears Rin was a bright shade of red that almost matched his hair and Haru couldn’t help but blush in return. Wasn’t the answer obvious? Of course he did, always of course. Haru was obnoxiously flustered; he watched Rin fiddle with his ponytail and decided on an answer.

“Of course I want to, Rin.” Haru could swear his face was on fire

“Haru… I… thank you!” Rin said teary eyed. “I’ll meet you up by the starting blocks in a few!” With that Rin ran towards his team to tell them of their plan while Haru stood blushing and hot. He couldn’t help but think about how sweet Rin was, every word only made him more confused about his feelings towards him. Haru doesn’t really form strong feelings towards others, it’s hard for him, and he’s so disassociated with his emotions that it’s almost impossible to actually have a romantic attraction to someone. But with Rin it’s different; it’s always been different. All Haru can do is hope and pray that Rin feels the same towards him, maybe he’s shooting in the dark but maybe he does. The way he talked to him at the poolside and the way he blushed from ear to ear, maybe just maybe there was something.

At that thought Haru felt a rush of adrenaline throughout his body and he walked quickly to the starting blocks, he gets to swim with Rin, Rin might like him. The minute he’s in the water he’ll think hard on it, as hard as he can, he needs to figure this out, he needs to know.

“Good luck, Haru-chan!” Nagisa yelled, jumping up and down with joy.

“Ready, Haru?” Rin asked, still blushing red. Haru nodded, eyes focused on Rins cheeks. “Then let’s do this!” The two boys climbed up on to their starting blocks both redder than cherries, Haru hoped no one would notice.

“Take your mark!” called out a small voice. The boys crouched down and grabbed the end of the block one hand at a time. Haru stole a glance at Rin to see he was doing the exact same, unknown feelings began coursing through his veins. “Go!” screamed the voice and they dived gracefully into the water.

A feeling of electrified ecstasy suddenly hit Haru like a ton of bricks the minute he hit the water. It felt like swimming through the softest silks in all of Japan, and he loved every waking moment of it. He could feel Rin a few feet away from pouring his heart out into his swimming, his red hair contrasting beautifully with the water, Haru always loved that. There was so much feeling in his body and soul he felt like he was about to melt away, his arms moved with just strength and passion moving gracefully in and out of the crystal clear water. Haru didn’t care who was head or who was behind, he just cared about being in the water with Rin. But, what did Rin think? Did he just want to compete; did he just want to see who was better? Haru knew if that was true his heart would shatter and he’d never be the same.

He flips, and he’s half way there. Every move he makes he thinks of how this race will end. He’s never had so many thoughts in his head, he’s never worried so much about what someone would think about him. Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? What would Rin think if he knew that he-

**_Smack_ **

With a loud smack Harus hand hits the cold wall. He looks to his right and Rins hand is on the wall, panting like a dog. Then Rin looked at him and smiled a wide grin that could blind you, Haru was dreading what would happen next.

“Want to know who won Rin?” asked a boy with white hair

“No, that doesn’t matter. I just needed an excuse to swim with Haru.” Harus body was practically set ablaze by that declaration, he said so shamelessly too.

Haru rested his head on the side of the pool and smiled. Oh, Rin, he thought. I guess I really do love you.


	3. Guilty Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru decides to go on a midnight swim. One he'll regret.

After the events at Samezuka Haru plopped face first onto his small bed and buried his head in his pillow, he didn’t even have the energy to run a bath. What had happened that afternoon left him completely stunned. Love is an emotion that extremely foreign to Haru, he’s had close friends who’s he’s cared about but no one has ever had him feels lightheaded and hot. He’d come to terms with his love for Rin after their race, but part of him knew that he had always loved him. He was so torn up about Rins departure, more torn than anyone else, he couldn’t stand to see him leave. Everyone brushed off his love for Rin as childhood friendship leading Haru to think it was that as well, however you can only deny the truth for so long. Love catches up with everyone.

 ‘What do you do when you love someone’ was all he could think about. Nagisa always talked about how romantic love confessions are, how people pour their heart out to someone they love, but how do you pour your heart out when it’s empty? He could asked Makoto, he knows how to talk to people but that’d be way too embarrassing. Haru can never make the first move, he can never really express how he feels or more often, doesn’t feel. But if Rin doesn’t feel the same, he’ll have to take this into his own hands. What if he does? What if he’s in this exact same situation Anxiousness began to build inside of him until he felt like he was about to cry.

“I need to distract myself” he mumbled to himself, “I can’t just sit in the tub, I’ll keep thinking about this. I need to move.” Swinging his legs over his bed he marched out of his house into the winter covered Japan.

He shivered when a cold wind bit at his bare skin, he shoved his hands in is pants pockets despite the frozen Japan air and trudged on like a soldier. It was far too cold to swim in the ocean, he’d surely get frostbite and Haru knew it. He had three pool options, he’s had it all thought out for ages. Samezuka, Iwatobi High school and the Iwatobi swim club. Samezukas security was too high for him to pull off sneaking into, he would know, he’s tried. Iwatobi High school was his own high school, and it wasn’t summer so there’d be teachers there, he’d get caught and suspended. That just left the swimming club; Goro would forgive him if he got caught, he might even let him in if he’s there. With those odds the answer was obvious, Haru set his course for the swim club and walked up the steep hill.

The swim club was home to Harus childhood, not just Haru’s but Rin’s, Makoto’s, Nagisa’s and many other teenage swimmers. Goro was an amazing teacher who truly cared about all his students and has remained involved in Haru’s life in high school swimming. Haru meant Rin and Nagisa there after Makoto convinced him to join, they all swam the relay together and were extremely proficient at it. Every time they won Rin would have the happiest smile on his face, he was so proud of himself. Haru wanted to see that smile as much as possible, so he worked his hardest at every race just to see his toothy grin. Rin would always sling his arm around Haru’s shoulder and tell him how amazingly he swam. Being praised by Rin, someone he loved, felt like nothing else. Haru has plenty of fond memories of that place and Rin. Eventually, the happiness died when Rin moved to Australia, leaving Haru confused. He had no one to swim for anymore, no smile to look forward to. Haru did the only thing he could think of at the time, he quit, and he stayed away from swimming competitively and tried swimming for himself. Makoto convinced him to come back, swayed to stay by Rin’s return. His return didn’t go as expected however, Rin was cruel. He said things that practically scarred him, his heart felt unrepairable. But a love like his for Rin was unbreakable, it was too late, Haru was stuck to Rin like glue. Haru’s head began to hurt from all of his thinking on the past, his chest ached with a throbbing pain too. He began sprinting towards Iwatobi, he could see it just over the hill.

As he approached the door a mix of relief and anxiousness filled him. Relieved to be near a pool, but anxious he’d get caught, he was willing to take that risk and that scared him too. Overtime he's been getting more reckless, more desperate for feeling. But gaining feeling sometimes is more difficult than a simple dip in the tub. Despite his fear and self loathing he reached at the door handle and pulled.

“Goro, you should really lock your doors” Haru whispered as he stepped cautiously inside the club. The club smelled of chlorine and children hair detangler spray, the walls were decorated with pictures of past club swimmers. The club was all together very welcoming, no wonder business was booming.  Surprisingly enough Haru liked the club makeover, after the club went bankrupt it closed and was shut down, for a years it rotted away. Kids used to go inside it after a rumour emerged that it was haunted, but Goro had a sort of rebirth and decided he wanted to teach kids to swim again. It was nice to see the Goro he knew again.

Haru ran his fingers across the wall, weaving his fingers between the pictures and stopped at his. It all looked for perfect. Haru, Rin, Makoto, and Nagisa holding a trophy and smiling wide, things were so much simpler. His fingers traced the lines of his face, then Makoto’s, Nagisa’s, finally Rin’s. Why did this have to happen to us, he thought. Why were we split up? We could have been something great. An amazing group of friends, now things have these tiny fractures. Haru looked at the end of the wall, a picture was crooked, it had obviously been touched and moved on accident. He went to fix it and stopped. Rin’s dad. He was disturbed as to why someone would fiddle with a photo of a dead man, he was just a child in the picture but still, he didn’t deserve this. He frowned and fixed the photo, the frame was slightly wet. It was probably just a child fresh out of the pool.

The silence in the club was almost deafening, the sooner he was in the water the less he would have to worry about menial things like silence and crooked pictures. Excitedly Haru walked straight to the pool and stripped down, he was wearing his trunks under his pants like always, it made emergency swimming easier.

Deep breathe in. Deep breathe out. Dive. Haru hit the water with grace, his frozen body welcomed the warm water with open arms, sending a shiver down Haru’s spine. He swam to the bottom of the pool, stretched limbs and pressed his back to the bottom of the pool. Eyes closed, he shut his brain down and tried to relax. Smiling as water made his hair float gently above his eyes, floating him slowly to the surface.

A large noise caused Haru’s eyes to shoot open in fright. Someone's here, he thought. What if I get arrested? Anxiety raged inside of him and it was suddenly hard to breathe his lungs felt heavy. I’m breathing in water, he thought in a panic. Pressing his feet to the bottom of pool he shot himself up, gasping when he reached the surface. The world was spinning and the water was looking more menacing by the second. He managed to reach the side of the pool in a disorientated state, climbing out with all the strength he could muster. His strength used up he collapsed face first onto the floor. Coughing up water it started to go dark, while  little floating dots began to fill his vision he unwillingly closed his eyes praying he’d wake up.

A door burst open and a young man ran frantically to the unconscious boy.

“Haru! Haru, are you okay!? Haru stay with me! Fuck, hold on!”


	4. Goodnight Haru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru wakes and greet his savior and they have a heart to heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Probably will have two chapters out today, 7/23.

Bright white light pierced Haru's eyelids. Five more minutes, he thought but suddenly he realized how wrong everything felt. He wasn't at home in his bed. The air smelled of chlorine and where he lay felt hard. HE opened his eyes cautiously, hoping it was just a dream, but what he saw surprised him. He was laying on a bench in the Iwatobi natatorium with a towel draped over time. As he glanced around it all came back to him, he nearly drowned. But he couldn’t recall how he got there. Someone must have helped me, he thought, who was here? I thought I was alone.  Did they just leavev me here? As he sat up to look around he was suddenly assaulted by a burning in his lungs and throat causing him to cough uncontrollably. His attempts to rise from the bench were unsuccessful as his limbs were too weak to support himself. Tears began to form in Harus eyes, he was defenseless and in pain, he wanted to go home and sleep. As tears rolled down his cheeks footsteps rushed to his side.

“Haru! I’m sorry I just stepped out for a minute. Are you o- you’re crying. I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have left even for a minute.” Haru looked up to meet the eyes of the owner of the familiar voice.

“Rin?”

“You probably don’t even remember what happened, do you?” Haru shook his head in bewilderment. “You passed out and I took care of you. The times you were conscious were brief, you were so out of it. I was so afraid when I found you, I thought you’d died. I did everything I could to get the water out of you, if I hurt you I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to. Does anything hurt?”

“My throat. It burns.” Haru whispered his voice dry and hoarse.

“One second, I’ve got something!” Rin grabbed his bag and took his water bottle out of it, and then sat next to Haru handing it to him who quickly guzzled it eagerly. “I would have called someone but I didn’t want us to be caught and arrested for trespassing. I hope this doesn’t bite me in the ass” Rin mumbled scratching his head in embarrassment.

“Thank you, Rin. For all of this. I would have done the same” Haru said weakly. Rin turned to Haru with a blushing grin at a loss for words. Haru reached to touch his cheeks, to let him know that it was okay, instead his body refused to him support himself on one hand making him collapse into Rin’s chest with a painful thud. “Shit, sorry.”

“No, that’s alright. Don't thank me, I did what I had to. But please don't night swim alone anymore, bring me next time. Someone needs to keep you from dying” Rin said with a smile. Haru felt red and bothered by the declaration and to his surprise Rin pulled him closer. “I don’t want you falling over; you’re too weak to get up.” Yet Haru knew better; by the beating of Rin’s heart it wasn’t just that, his heart was far too fast for him just to be protecting him. Was he uncomfortable or did he, maybe, possibly feel the same way? Was the answer right in face? Haru had no idea how to tell if Rin felt the same hut he wasn’t complaining about the situation. Rin's body was warm and his chest made for a good pillow, his breathes hit Harus neck causing him to shiver. In this moment Haru could truly say that he was happy and content with his life, maybe for the first time too. He felt safe and welcome, like who he was with actually wanted him, maybe loved him. What he wouldn’t give to always be in Rin's arms, what he wouldn’t give for Rin to tell him how he feels.

“Rin, I really liked swimming with you today” Haru confessed with cheeks basking in fire

“Haru… I can’t even express how much it meant to me that think that. I really don’t deserve your forgiveness, but you gave me it. I really…admire you Haru, maybe more than you’ll ever know. One day I hope you’ll realize it. You’re friendship and support has meant the world to me. Sometimes you're the only thing that keeps me going” Rin stopped and looked at Haru, his eyes glossed over and the longer Haru looked into them the more he felt like mush. He could feel his face burning and looked down in embarrassment, his hair falling over his eyes. They blushed, frozen in the moment, content with each other but unsure about what to say. “Haru… you might not feel the same way but I just think you need t-“

_Achoo!_

Haru couldn't feel his body, his lungs felt heavy and his limbs like liquid. He so desperately wanted to hear what RIn was about to say but he wasn't sure if he'd make it to the end of this sentence. In desperation he grabbed Rin's shoulders tightly, tears forming in his eyes. He was frightened.

“Oh crap. I should get you home if you’re sick. Can you stand?”

“I’m dizzy. I don’t think I can.”

“This shouldn’t be a problem.” Rin stood and swung his bag around his shoulder and onto his back then got down on his knees. “Put your arm around my shoulder, I’m carrying you home.” Haru weakly swung his arm around Rins shoulder and Rin lifted him up with ease.

“I’m not your bride.” Haru said burying his face into Rin’s shoulder

“You could be” Rin said with a smirk.

“Stop being so snide” Haru retorted as Rin opened the door to the dimly lit streets. The second Rin took a step outside they were hit with a biting cold that made Haru’s body ache. Thw wind lashed out against them while the darkness swallowed them whole. The town was quiet, the only sounds coming from passing cars miles away. The journey was silent, no words from either of them.

 The night was cruel to Rin and Haru, by the time they reached Haru’s house Haru was shaking uncontrollably and Rin’s arms were burning so bad that he was in tears. Yet he still had the energy to place Haru gently on the bed and pull a blanket over him. Haru knew they were going to wake up incredibly ill, the cold and water never ended well. Haru has made that mistake far too many times to not be aware of the consequences. “Haru, I’m gonna sleep on your couch. It’s not wise for me to head home and Ai will cover for me. I’ll be right out there so if you need anything just yell my name.” Rin said with a weak smile, turning to leave. Haru wanted to saysomething, Rin couldn’t just leave without hearing how grateful he was, so he grabbed Rin’s wrist and pulled him close to him, face to face, nose practically touching.

“Thank you, Rin. You didn’t have to do all this. I admire you too” his voice in a low whisper. Rin looked at Haru with a look that Haru couldn’t quite figure out.

“Haru, you mean the world to me. I’d do practically anything for you. But we can talk about this in the morning, please get some rest. I don’t think either of us will be able to sleep if we continue conversation” Rin said moving the hair from Harus eyes, he paused for a moment and smiled then planted a kiss on Haru forehead. “Sweet dreams, Haru.”

So much for getting sleep Haru thought as he buried his blushing face in a pillow.


	5. Night Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru awakens with a nasty flu, and the night ends differently then expected

Haru’s eyes fluttered open and glanced at the window, it was still dark. Before he could ponder why his body had decided to wake far before he was supposed to rise he was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of sickness. His throat burned like he’d swallowed acid, his nose was a waterfall, and a headache that reached his toes. He moaned in pain and crawled out of bed to get a glass of water. His legs ached and the pain increased with each step he took towards the kitchen, he was methodical and careful steps so he wouldn’t wake Rin but the floorboards creaked under his weight. The kitchen was close enough to touch when he heard a distant sniffling followed by a tired yet endearing voice.

“You sick too Haru?”

“Yeah, are you going to be okay Rin?” Haru asked  while he filled up a glass, a frown played on his face. Haru felt guilty, Rin wouldn’t have gotten sick if he had been so stupid at the club. Rin didn’t have any regrets about the situation, he’d made that clear yet the guilt at racked him.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay. What about you?” Rin asked, leaning on the counter to get a good look at Haru

“Rin enough about me. I’m worried about you. Are you going to be okay? This is all my fault anyway…” Haru’s voice slowly turned in a low whisper destroyed with sadness. Quickly staring at the ground when tears began to cloud his vision.  “It’s all my fault.” Tears ran down his face and hit the ground, making small salty puddles. “I can’t do anything right, I’m always messing up.” Haru was on the brink of sobbing, his heart heavy when Rin tilted Harus chin upward to look him in his eyes.

“You have flaws Haru, like everyone else. Your flaws define you and to me you’re absolutely perfect. Don’t sell yourself so short.” Rins words hit Haru hard, and he threw himself himself into his arm, half crying, half smiling.

“If only you knew what you do to me” Haru whispered

“Huh?” Rins heart began to race, beating hard enough for Haru to feel

“It’s nothing. I don’t want to worry you.”

“No, Haru I heard you. What do you mean?” Rin said looking at Haru with a grin. “You can’t slither your way out of this one.”

“It’s… it’s nothing you need to think about. It’s my problem not yours.” Haru mumbled, the air felt incredibly hot around him. Rin was like a furnace, ‘was he always this burning hot?’ Haru thought. Yet instead of pushing him away he held onto Rin tighter. Rin sighed and ran his hands through Haru’s hair.

“Alright Haru. But just so you know, I probably already know what you mean.” Haru looked up in a mix of shock and anger.

“Then why’d you ask!?”

“It’s not something to get your hopes up about and if it isn’t what I think it is I’d be heartbroken. If I brought it up and I was wrong, I’d never recover. So I just don’t bring it up, neither do you.” Rin’s words came with pain and sadness, it made Haru’s whole body hurt to see Rin struggling. He was having the exact same problem too however, that can’t be a coincidence, Haru thought. He knew he had to take a risk, someone had to and he wasn’t about to wait for Rin to do it.

“Rin, look at me.” Haru whispered, resting a hand on one of RIn’s red cheeks. Rin obliged and looked at Haru, his eyes glossy. Haru’s brain was moving faster than a bullet train, his hands were clammy and his limbs felt numb. With all the odds against him, Haru got on the tips of his toes and pressed his lips to Rin’s. Rin’s lips were warm and dry, he smelled of chlorine and mint, and for Haru this was a new kind of heaven. But what about Rin? Haru began to pull away from Rin, when suddenly he was pulled closer, for what Haru could only assume meant that Rin wanted more. Their lips continued clashing together for what felt like hours, tongues exploring eachothers mouths eagerly. Haru took in every single earth shattering moment of it. The feel of Rin’s hair in between his fingers, and the taste he left in his mouth after every half-second break away. Their kissing began to slow when they became aware of how weak their bodies felt. They hadn’t even taken their sickness into account. Haru was suddenly hit hard by the illness, his legs shook and Rin stopped to hold Haru close. Haru hadn’t even realized how heavily he was breathing until his lips were off Rin’s, he wasn’t even embarrassed, he felt safe.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for an embarrassingly long time, Haru.” Rin said, running his hand up and down Haru’s back.

“I noticed,” Haru retorted, “and me too. I’m sorry it took so long”

“I’m sorry too, I should’ve been more upfront about all this. If I waited any longer I think I would’ve gone crazy.” Rin pressed him forehead to Haru’s and grinned ear-to-ear. “I’ve never been this happy in my life.”

“I love you.” Haru blurted out, he didn’t know how to contain his feelings. They just kind of came out. Haru looked up at Rin sheepishly, not knowing what to say. Rin looked like a cherry tomato, his lips swollen and eyes red. Rin looked down at Haru, with a sincere look of happiness on his face.

“Haru, I love you too… I can’t believe you just said. Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Haru said, then pressed his lips on Rin’s again.

“If we want to get any better so that we can continue this, we should get some rest babe.” Rin said, his voice practically dripping his sweetness. “Can you walk to your bed alone?”

“What if I don’t want to go to bed alone?” Haru asked mischievously.

“H-Haru!” Rin managed to stutter out, taken aback by Haru’s straight forwardness

“What? I’d sleep so much better with you next to me.”

“Why you…” Rin sweeped Haru off his feet and into his arms and walked towards the bedroom. “You probably won’t get any sleep, you’ll be nervous about sharing a bed with your lover.” Rin suddenly looked down at Haru, worry in his eyes. “Are we lovers Haru? I don’t want to assume…” Haru thought the answer was obvious but if Rin was doubting that’s just more of a reason to prove that they are. So Haru pecked Rin on the neck and smiled up at him.

“Of course we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, got my laptop from home so I can write while I'm in hospital. Again sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoyed.


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